School With Hiei
by Miya-Kome
Summary: See what happens if the characters from Yu Yu Hakusho had to go to school together! Done by my friend Cassey who wanted me to post it here.


School With Hiei

By: Cassey Butkowski

Science Class.

First Day...

Teacher: Who here has an interest in botany?

Kurama: Oh! Me! Me! Me! 'raises hand wildly. His chair falls over' I LOVE Botany!

Teacher: .......'eye twitches' That's great! 'whispers' What a freak.

Hiei: Giant Fish! Die! 'slashes with his sword' I hate Nemo!

Kurama: ...... Hiei stop! You're scaring everyone!

Next day......

Hiei: The fish moved! That is no stuffed animal! That means ....... I can kill it!

Kurama: Hiei!

Yusuke: At least cook it afterwards. I'm hungry!

Hiei: Let's cook it alive!

Kuwabara: That's sick!

Kurama: Stuffed animal made to look like a fish! You can't eat it!

'Hiei and Yusuke were already ripping the fish to shreds with their teeth'

Kurama: Never mind.

Day of Quiz...

Hiei: ..... Do the answers have to be correct to get credit?

Teacher: Yes.

Hiei: Oh. Does it have to be in English?

Teacher: That would be preferred.

Hiei: Preferred but it doesn't have to be right?

Teacher: No! It must be in English.

Hiei: Can someone write the answers for me?

Teacher: Something wrong with your hand?

Hiei: No my hand is just fine but I can't write.

Teacher: May I ask why? 'slightly annoyed'

Hiei: Certainly. I don't know how to read or write.

Teacher: You can't read or write! How have you been doing your work!?

Kurama: 'whistles'

Teacher: ...... I hate you both.

Hiei: Is class over? Can I leave now?

Teacher: Yes Hiei please leave. 'whispers' Don't come back ever.

Yusuke: Can I leave too?

Teacher: Yusuke shut-up!

Kurama: Oooo! Teacher said the "s" word.

Teacher: What are you, two? Grow up!

Kurama: The teacher is being mean! 'starts to cry'

Hiei: You made Kurama cry 'hugs Kurama and tries to comfort him'

Yusuke: Can I kill her now?

Teacher: What!? You can't say that! You're expelled!

Yusuke: Yes! I can leave!

Hiei: How can you leave when Kurama is hurting!?

Kurama: Hiei, it's ok. I'm leaving too.

Hiei: What?

Kurama: I can't stand this fat bitch.

Hiei: .......' observes the teacher' I think bitch is a compliment.

Kurama: What about fat?

Hiei: 'Looks at teacher' Fat is an understatement.

Teacher: ....... I'm failing you.

Hiei: I was failing to begin with.

Yusuke: Not to mention the fact that you have a good paying job.

Hiei: Ya! Screw you! 'throws his sword into the teacher's forehead'

Yusuke: How do you get that into school everyday?

Hiei: Magic.

Hiei: Poison! It's poison!

Kurama: Hiei it's not poison. It's Pepsi Edge.

Hiei: Well it might as well be poison. It tastes like shit.

Kuwabara: 'drinks the soda' Yum soda!

Hiei: .........

Kurama: Kuwabara, Hiei just drank out of that cup.

Kuwabara: Wha.....'drops cup' Poison! I'm poisoned!

Hiei: Ha! Told ya!

Kurama: Oh shut-up! 'hits Kuwabara over the head with a frying pan' Idiots. I swear they all are.

Day of Test....

Kurama:'writes' The 4 macromolecules are carbohydrates, proteins, lipids, and nucleic acids.

Hiei: 'answering the same question' kjlfhaslkfjhawlefjha l;sdfalsk dfhalskdf hwjeh eu yisjhslkj hkjgkj kjhkjh jfgfjgldjghlkjg jfghldkjhkghhgk kfjhkjfhdkjieywypx 'he tries to answer the question even though he can't read or write.'

Yusuke: 'same question' You need a brain. Stupid teacher.

Kuwabara: Why aren't there any questions on kitties!

'everyone looks at him'

Kuwabara: I said that out loud didn't I?

Teacher: Yes. That has earned you a zero. (not that he wasn't going to get a zero anyway)

Hiei: I wish I could get a zero.

Yusuke: Ya, you are usually are in the negatives.

Kurama: Wow that's sad.

Teacher: No talking! Zeros for everyone!

Hiei: Yes! 'the rest of the class is crying in the horror of getting a zero'

Math Class

I love Math

Hiei: Oh man! Math class! I read and write better then I can add.

Kuwabara: What exactly did you learn in the demon world?

Hiei: How to kill and steal.

Yusuke: Handy talents.

Kurama: Will you just get in the damn classroom!?

Kuwabara: He said a bad word!

Yusuke: Let's paddle him!

Hiei: 'giggle'

Kurama: GET IN HERE NOW!

'blank stares'

Yusuke, Hiei, and Kuwabara: Yes sir!

'In the classroom'

Teacher: 'talking slowly and pacing the front of the room. ' Hello class. Welcome to Math Class. Who here loves Math?

'No one raises his or her hand'

Teacher: 'face turns red' Well then I guess.... 'she brings out a huge paddle with holes spelling 'I love Math'' you all get a beating.

Kurama: What? I've never been hit by a teacher before! 'starts to freak out. Has a panic attack'

Yusuke: Paddle me all you want, I'll still hate Math.

'5 mins later'

Yusuke: I love Math! I really do! Just stop! 'cries'

Teacher: Who's next? 'evil glares'

Hiei: I suddenly have a strong love for math.

Kuwabara: Me too.

Rest of class: 'nods head'

Kurama: Please don't hit me! I'll do anything!

'Later that day'

'Yusuke's room'

Yusuke: Must do math. I love math. Must do all my homework. Nothing is better than math.

'Kurama's house'

Kurama: Good all my unimportant homework is done. Now I have 4 hours to devote to math. 'Hiei's tree'

Hiei: This would be so much better if I knew what these lines meant! Wait that's a number! I can read this! Wow math is the only class I understand! God I love Math! 'imaginary hearts circle his head'

'Kuwabara's room'

Kuwabara: English has no numbers. It isn't connected to math. Should I do this homework? One way to find out. 'calls math teacher' Can I do my English homework?

Teacher: Are there numbers?

Kuwabara: No.

Teacher: Then NO!

Kuwabara: What about History?

Teacher: Are there numbers?

Kuwabara: No.

Teacher: NO!

Kuwabara: Science?

Teacher: Are there numbers?

Kuwabara: In some questions.

Teacher: Then only do those questions.

Kuwabara: Math?

Teacher: OF COURSE! MATH IS THE LAW!

Kuwabara: Really? Wow. I'm so glad I called. 'hangs up' I love Math!

'over time all other subjects but math were band from school'

Kurama: I changed my name to 6-4.

Hiei: My name is 5-4.

Yusuke: My name is 8-6.

Kuwabara: My name is 8-6 too!

Yusuke: No! We cannot have the same name!

Kuwabara: Fine! I'll leave it at 8.

Yusuke: Good.

Hiei: Hey! Now I'll be able to spell my name!

Kurama: It will be a first.

Hiei: I love Math.

Kuwabara: Did you hear that the great math teacher has ruled out killing?

Hiei: What! Screw Her! DOWN WITH MATH! 'runs away with sword in hand'

Kurama: He'll be back.

Yusuke: With a nice red butt.

Kuwabara: Sucker! Math will never fall.

'one week later'

'In Hiei's tree'

Kurama: Must run from numbers!

Kuwabara: Must keep thinking about kitties!

Hiei: No more numbers!

Yusuke: 'running into the tree trunk. All the numbers drove him insane. '

Hiei: 'looks down at the branch that they are sitting on' No! Numbers! 'the others started to scream'

' the tree had numbers carved on every last inch of the tree'

All: Numbers! 'fall out of the tree'

Kurama: We landed on Yusuke!

Kuwabara: So that's what broke my fall!

Hiei: Dudes! He's dead! We killed Yusuke!

Kurama: What? Who's Yusuke? 'kicks Yusuke's body into a bush' Right guys?

Kuwabara: Yeah! That's right. Let's go get some ice cream.

Hiei: What are you talking about!? He was our best friend!

Kurama: Hiei, either join us for ice cream or join Yusuke in the bush.

Hiei: 'begins to think the teacher was nicer' Yes sir! 'runs to ice cream shop'

Another Math class

Thoughts.

Hiei: Man! I'd have more fun getting my navel. Can't we do something in this class!? What I would give for a quiz or a demon invasion. A demon invasion would be cooler. More killing. Killing....

Kurama: Is she speaking in English? Probably but how would I know. The second her mouth opens I stop listening. I wonder why Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara are in all my classes. I'm in honors and a year older. Are they stalking me! Oh no they are! When will they leave me alone!?

Kuwabara: I wish Yukina was teaching this class. I'd hang on the teacher's every word. Yukina......'naughty thoughts'

Yusuke: I wish Keiko's skirt slid down a little more. Then I'd see her butt 'drools'.

Health Class

Teacher: Welcome everybody to Health Class! 'big smile' Is everyone happy to be here?

Kurama: Yes teacher. I'm delighted to be here! 'smiles very very cute smile'

Teacher: Wonderful!

Hiei: Are you always this... happy? 'looked at the teacher in disgust'

Teacher: Always! Now lets start this class! We'll be talking about relationships! First off are friendships! How do you treat your friends?

Kurama: I love them all and would do anything to help them. I listen to all their problems and try to protect them from danger to the best of my ability.

Teacher: Wonderful Kurama! Kuwabara what about you?

Kuwabara: I love my kitty. She is so cute. But my friends? One day I'll prove that I don't need their protection.

Teacher: Kuwabara, they only protect you because they love you.

Kuwabara: Love! Eww! Gross!

Teacher: Never mind. Yusuke what about you?

Yusuke: I focus everything I got on my friends. I'm completely dedicated to them. They are my life's constant.

Teacher: Oh how sweet. Hiei you're next.

Hiei: The last group of friends I had, I killed. They'll ... 'looking at Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama' soon be next.

Teacher: What?

Hiei: I hate everyone. One day I'll kill you all.

Teacher: Oh my god! 'runs out of the room screaming'

Yusuke: Nice one Hiei!

Kurama: I almost believed you! 'giggled'

Hiei: I wasn't joking.

The others: AHHHHH! 'Run out of the classroom at top speed'

Hiei: 'props feet on desk' 'grins' Works every time.

Lang. Arts

Hiei: Great a class devoted to reading and writing! I'm screwed!

Kurama: This semester is plays! We get to act them out.

Yusuke: I better not have to play a girl part!

Kuwabara: I want to be a kitty!

Hiei: I'm sure that's the only part you could handle.

Kuwabara: I'm the kitty god!

Yusuke: Or goddess.

Kuwabara: What?

Kurama: Shhh! Class is starting.

Teacher: Today we will start the play 'Romeo and Juliet'. Listen for your parts. Kurama, you are Romeo.

' a group of girls run into the room'

The girls: I'll be Juliet!

Kurama: ...... 'looks like he is going to be sick'

Hiei: Good thing I'm Romeo! 'smirks'

The girls: No!

Teacher: Get out of this classroom! 'slams door on their faces' Juliet will be played by Mitsou!

Mitsou: Yeah!

Kurama: The gay guy! 'bashes head on his desk'

Hiei: 'is grumbling something'

Teacher: Hiei, your Juliet's maid.

Hiei: 'still grumbling'

Teacher: Yusuke, your are the priest. Kuwabara, you are Juliet's kitty.

Kuwabara: Kitty!

Teacher: You stay on the bed until, well until Romeo and Juliet do what boys and girls do best.

Kuwabara: Pet kitties?

Yusuke: Sex!

Kurama: Why me!?

Mitsou: YAY! Fun!

Hiei: 'places hand on sword hilt'

Teacher: Let's start this play!

Kurama: Oh what beauty! Who is this fair maiden. 'rolls eyes'

' at scene where Juliet and Romeo meet'

Kurama: 'grabs Mitsou's hand' O dear lady! What beauty you posses!

Mitsou: Kind sir please, you must be joking!

' Romeo takes Juliet away from the party'

Kurama: Your lips are so red and beautiful. 'bends down to kiss Mitsou'

Mitsou: 'seems more than willing to be kissed'

Hiei: Not in this lifetime! 'throws Mitsou out of the way and Kurama kisses Hiei on the lips'

Everyone: ................

Hiei: Hey! 'bitch slap'

Kurama: I love you too Hiei! 'hugs Hiei'

Hiei: Gross!

Kurama: You know you liked it! 'smiles'

Hiei: 'blushes' Yeah right.

Yusuke: Ooooo! Hiei's got a boyfriend!

Kuwabara: Me - ow! 'purrs'

'Hiei storms out of the room'

Science Class

Hiei: The fish is hiding. 'kneels on ground and stares at the fish' 'makes fish lips'

Kurama: 'giggles'

Hiei: What?

Kurama: Hiei there are real fish over there 'points to tank'

Hiei: But their not as cute 'makes puppy face' I'm taking it with me! 'picks up stuffed animal'

Kurama: Oh my!

Yusuke: 'just walked into the room' What's with the fish?

Hiei: 'hugs it' Mine! 'runs out of the room and to his tree' 'spent the rest of the night with his fishy'

Social Studies - Amish Girl

Hiei: Fishy fish! 'hugs the stuff animal'

Yusuke: You still have that damned thing!?

Kurama: I think its cute! 'smiles' 'arms warp around Hiei's shoulders'

Hiei: 'scared' .....uh.....'throws fish in the trash can' I think class is starting! 'runs to his seat'

Kurama: Oh darn! 'looks really disappointed'

Yusuke: Not again! 'rolls eyes' Kurama, Hiei isn't gay. Stop touching him like that!

Kurama: Would you rather I touch you? 'reaches for Yusuke'

Yusuke: Stay away 'joins Hiei in the classroom'

Kurama: 'evil smile' Oooo. Now I have two toys to play with.

'Class starts'

Teacher: Tomorrow is our field trip into the Amish country. Who here is excited!? 'silence' You get to miss school for a week! 'loud cheers' Tomorrow at 7a.m. be there or at school suckers! 'goes on with class'

'next day'

Hiei: What the hell is that!? 'pointing to the metro bus waiting outside the school for them'

Kurama: That's our ride 'embraces Hiei from behind' I'll sit next to you on the bus.

Hiei: 'breaks away' Stop it! 'blushes'

Yusuke: I'll sit next to Hiei. Kurama, you can sit with Kuwabara.

Kurama: Sigh.

Kuwabara: I can tell you about my kitty. 'smiles'

Kurama: Kuwabara, I'm a fox. I hate cats.

Kuwabara: 'cries' No like kitties! Meanie!

'on the bus'

Hiei: 'staring out the window'

Kurama: 'staring at Hiei'

Yusuke: 'reading playboy'

Kuwabara: 'fuming that Kurama doesn't like kitties'

'They arrive' 'An old man greets them'

Old man: Welcome!

Yusuke: Go screw yourself old man! We'll take care of ourselves!

Old man: Why you! 'jumps Yusuke and runs away with his money'

Yusuke: 'blink' 'blink'

Kurama: Let's find a place to stay.

Hiei: I get that tree! 'points to a tree in the middle of a clearing'

'bus pulls away'

Yusuke: Uh...... Hiei.....'turns Hiei around'

Hiei: 'sees huge forest' I get them all!

Kurama: Can I share a tree with you? 'wraps arms around Hiei'

Hiei: No! 'breaks the embrace and hugs one of the trees'

Kurama: He loves a tree more than me! I....I... 'cries' No fair!

Kuwabara: It's all because you don't like kitties!

Kurama: Shut-up! 'punches Kuwabara in the face'

Old man: I used that Dumas's 'points to Yusuke' money to get you cots in the barn. I haven't cleaned it in 5 months. It is very smelly. 'evil smile'

Kuwabara: I think he is trying to kill us.

Yusuke: I'm scared.

Kurama: Hiei! Protect me!

Hiei:...A smelly barn....I guess... I'll share my tree. 'looks sad'

Kurama: 'jumps on Hiei' Thank-you Hiei! You're so sweet! 'kisses Hiei all over his face.'

Hiei: Stop! 'swings arms around wildly'

Kuwabara: I'm sleeping in the barn! Those two scare me.

Yusuke: No, just Kurama. Hiei's straight ... I hope.

Hiei: 'giggles because it tickles'

Kurama: 'hugs Hiei' I love you!

Hiei: 'still laughing' OK! Sure!

Yusuke: Hiei! Don't be passive! Fight back! You're not gay!

Kuwabara: YAY! You stupid kitty hater! Hiei's straight!

Botan: Wait! Hiei is my bitch! He wouldn't!

Yusuke: Uh? Wrong story.

Hiei: 'waves' Bye- Bye! 'kicks Botan off the sheet of paper' Much better!

Kurama: Hiei come back!

Hiei: 'jumps into a tree and curls up into a ball' No!

Kurama: ' jumps into the tree and cuddles with Hiei' I love you!

Hiei: 'back kicks Kurama' ' Kurama falls out of the tree'

Yusuke: 'grabs Kurama and drags him to the barn' Come on lover boy!

' In the barn'

Amish Girl: Hi ya!

Kurama: Hello! 'secretly sad'

Amish girl: You three sleeping here?

Yusuke: Yes we are. 'stopping Kurama from talking'

Amish Girl: My name is Erica.

Kuwabara: Hi! Can I touch your butt?

Erica: Sure! 'Kuwabra gets to happy and passes out' Oh darn!

Yusuke: So... where are the cots?

Erica: Over there! 'points to the back of the barn' They are al doubles. Built for two. 'wink' 'wink'

Yusuke: There are 4 beds right?

Erica: Three.

Kurama: Will you be joining us?

Erica: Oh yes! 'looks eager'

Kurama: You can share a cot with me if you like.

Erica: Oh yes!

Yusuke: Kurama! What about Hiei!?

Kurama: I need fun and I need it now. 'grabs Erica and takes her to the cots'

Yusuke: 'shouts' I'm telling Hiei! ' runs to Hiei's tree'

Hiei: What do you want? 'looks down at Yusuke'

Yusuke: Kurama is fucking an amish girl!

Hiei: What! 'falls out of the tree'

Yusuke: Only because he couldn't sleep with you.

Hiei: No one has sex with my bf!

Yusuke: Boyfriend?

Hiei: NO! Best friend! 'storms off towards the barn'

'In the barn' 'panting noises'

Hiei: KURAMA!

Kurama: 'stops' 'looks around the stall door to see Hiei' HIEI! 'races across the barn naked to hug Hiei'

Hiei: You're sleeping with some amish girl! How dare you!

Erica: I'll sleep with you too! 'blows a kiss at Hiei'

Hiei: 'blushes' 'he snaps back into reality' O my god! Kurama put some clothes on! 'turns a deeper shade of red' 'looks at Erica' 'stares (note she is naked)' Um...who are you?

Erica: Erica.

Hiei: Oh! I have to go! 'runs back to the tree'

Erica: 'dresses quickly' Get back here!

Kurama: 'hurries after them' Let me in on the fun!

'At the tree'

Hiei: 'in the tree hiding' Hiei pull yourself together!

Erica: Hiei. 'crawls down the branch while removing her shirt' Let's have some fun.

Hiei: Oh No! 'backs away blushing'

Kurama: 'grabs Hiei from behind' I get to fun with you too.'licks Hiei's ear'

Hiei: No! 'Erica's hand starts to undo Hiei's belt buckles'

Kurama: 'slaps her hand' I do him first!

Erica: You Bitch! 'jumps on Kurama' 'they fall to the ground'

Kurama: 'lands on top of Erica' ' gets aroused' Oh!' they finsh what they atarted in the barn right in front of Hiei'

Hiei: Oh gross! I'm never going to have sex now! 'He runs away to the barn and sleeps in one of the cots'


End file.
